The message I received this morning from our local parishioner told me that there would not be Easter service this year. I believe my heart literally broke, as I listened to his voicemail over my pickup speaker. It was one of those moments where I felt like the world stopped for one minute and I couldn't catch my breath. Three weeks now I have been adjusting, making my best effort to just allow what comes. Hold no expectations and surrender to the world as it changes so rapidly that I haven't been able to catch up. Every analogy I have tried to use to describe how I am feeling has not had near the impact that the sheer moment of living this life can define.
We are grieving, as a person, as a family, as a community, as a state, as a nation, as a world. Grieving the loss of so much. The obvious is we are grieving the life we lived, our friends, family, jobs, lifestyle and freedom. But on a deeper level we are grieving a way of being, our old patterns, ancestral dynamics, abusive behaviors, and self sabotage, just to name a few. Grieving is not alway a bad thing. I have grieved plenty for the things that were destructive to my well being. It’s part of the process. I have always felt that if I could acknowledge the sadness I could better acknowledge the joy. If one emotion is not felt, all are not felt. What more can we expect from ourselves if we do not give this moment in time, where we feel we have lost everything, a proper voice.
A day will come when we see that all of this was not in vain. The day will come when we rejoice together once again. And before that day comes, we will find all the blessings in our day to day life. We will not be ungrateful. But we will give ourselves permission to grieve the loss, and take this time to be with ourselves and allow what ever it is to play its part in our life for the ultimate healing of all.