Loving someone is a skill that we can learn. I have come to believe this. I also believe that there are many ways to love. I have noticed that we each have a different style or way we show our love. Some of us continue to grow and improve our loving skills and some of us remain in the ways that we learned so long ago. Over the years I have made it my priority to try learning how to love with kindness and compassion. With the birth of my children I realized that loving can come naturally but maintaining that constant expression of loving acts can be difficult at times. There are so many things designed to test our commitment to maintaining a loving nature. I don’t believe that any one of us ever stops loving. We just choose to change the way we express it. Sometimes I can express myself in the most sincere and joyous nature. Sometimes I fall short and snap at the most ridiculous thing. Sometimes I smother and sometimes I retreat. I know that with in my heart there is always love but my actions vibrate from a different place. Lately I have been watching how I think my action is coming from love but really it is of a different nature, like caretaking or controlling which really boils down to fear. I am a recovering perfectionist. If it looks like love then that means that I am perfect? I am loving perfectly? Right? No!
I had a T-Shirt when I was a teenager. It said “Pick a flower it fades away, let it grow, a thousand more appear.” Not every flower is for us to pick. Sometimes it is there for someone else. I wish that every flower was for me but I also realize that watching that flower bring someone else joy and multiply into a thousand more flowers can be even better. I think that is one of the greatest lessons on how to express love. When to let go. For me this is the hardest lesson that I have had to learn. I can think of countless examples from my growing up years. But I have to say the most painful ones have been the ones that I have learned from my children. Starting with the toddler stage. I heard lately that doctors want to know, at the little ones check up, that they are disobeying their parents. It is a sign that they are self-actualizing. Separating themselves from the idea that they are no longer their parents but their own person. Doctors love it! Parents find it very annoying.
Now we get to the teenage years. More self-actualizing. And more fear and controlling on my part. Is this love? No doubt the love is there. But can I learn how to love from my heart and leave it at that. Not pick the flower, but let it grow. Care for it, water it and love it the way it is. This is where the learning comes in. I really believe some people have more successful tactics than others. That these learned expressions bring about more successful relationships. Truly it does matter to me how I’m loved. Not just that I am loved. And in return it matters to me how I love others. I can love them from afar or I can love them with in reach. Does love only have one expression that is appropriate for the moment or are there many ways to skin a cat? These are the questions that I ask each day. The only thing I have to really rely on is the feeling in my chest. The strong full blast of heat that I feel in my chest lets me know that I am working from the correct place in my body. The action that follows has to be guided from above because I believe that I really don’t have the learned skills all the time to express my loving nature to the fullest. So yes I believe that loving someone is a skill that we can learn. But it can’t come from the latest self-help book, various podcasts or our therapist. Granted all of these resources can give us ideas. But truly my source is God. Of all the sources in the world, I have to go with that one. Will I always surrender to the answers that I get? Probably not. I would prefer to lock my heart away at times where I believe that it is safe. But that is not expanding my consciousness. Sooner or later I will feel the effects of a life lived with out loving action and I will come back to the land of the living. It is a pattern for me. But like I said earlier I have committed my life to learning the skill of expressing love. Pain or joy, its all part of life. And abandoning that experience means you may as well abandon life in general. So for me, I choose love.