Can we just take a pill that will help us speak from the deepest part of our heart? I would like to imagine such a thing. Imagine how different the world would be!? I have gone over so many conversations in my lifetime that I would have done different had I just had a direct link to that place in my heart were I had sincere compassion for myself and the other person.
In the past I would use alcohol to lower my defenses enough to communicate from my heart (or so I though) but that was so unpredictable and usually only worked if the other person was intoxicated as well. I can laugh about it now but it seemed real at the time. Think about how much easier it would be if we had a pill for saying I’m sorry to a very close friend, telling a boy you like them, holding someone’s hand after their love had passed away, or explaining to your child what their consequence is for stealing. All of these things are there to trigger our deepest hurts and insecurities so that a light may be shined. That is a real feeling that logically speaking should be easier than going into some tirade, getting incredibly shy and tripping over words, saying nothing at all, or blaming and accusing.
I lost my uncle this winter. He was close to me in a distant sort of way. I didn’t know him every day but I knew his soul and it was one that looked so much like mine. He was an amazing man! Growing up, I could identify that he was around by his whistle. I could hear him whistling a tune from the field beside our house while he worked in the garage or sat on his porch in the evening. When I moved to Montana he decided to come visit me and set up camp in my yard in his wall tent for a month in the fall. We spent each day of that month getting to know each other. He showed me how to make a mean apple pie, we went to the mountains to cut wood, he drove around and visited with all the neighbors in the area, and laid out in the back yard smoking cigars and enjoying the sunset! He came back one more year before he decided it was too far of a drive. He had his fix of Montana! As a gift for our time he gave me his wall tent. His home in the woods! The place he felt the happiest. It has taken me years to find that place again. Last winter I started hiking. At first I believed it was for exercise. Over time I have looked more and more to the solitary time in the “woods” to clear my soul and find that place in my heart that someday I hope to consistently speak from.
I know I have been silently speaking to him from my heart for a long time and that is why I feel I know him so well with out ever having spent that much time with him.
I feel that way about other people as well. The bond is there with out much time spent together and the bond continues well after the time together is over. Life is precious! Each day is a gift. Maybe a little cliché but it’s the truth. I try not to acknowledge any regrets in my life because truly each experience leads you to the next and the next but I guess if I were to have one it would be opportunity not taken. Not giving that relationship a chance, not calling my uncle, not saying what was in my heart. And this leaves me with the quote that I have recited all too many times over the years…
'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Alfred Lord Tennyson